(no subject)

[x_butterfly]

Okay, so this is like the cyber version of making the new kid stand up in front of class and spill all their deepest, darkest secret, right? How 21st century of you guys. This is a lot nicer than where I usually wind up. ‘Cause, you know, mansion. I don’t think people with houses like this usually go “oh, that weird girl who sometimes brings decomposing things back to life is just what I need. She’d go with my new vase!” (Please tell me no one is going to try to match me to a vase. If they try to make me wear something with flowers or butterflies or paisley I am so out of here.)

Is there like a no pawning the silver rule? It seems like the kinda place that needs one of those.

I'm probably doing this whole Care Bear share time thing all wrong, huh? Right. Let's start over.

Dear Diary,

I'm Layla. I'm from New York (city, not just the state) from a little place Lame People call Midtown West, but anyone who's family has legit been there forever still calls it Hell's Kitchen. Unless they've converted to yuppism (I hear that's like Scientology but less creepy) but then they're pretty much in the Lame People category anyway. So, yeah, I'm blonde. I skate. I only trip over my own feet like three times a day. And I make zombies.

Okay, so it's basically zombie roadkill but apparently people don't dig the Roadkill Day of the Dead like you'd think they would. I mean, I pretty much just sometimes bring shit back to life. It’s not that creepy really. Unless you’re like really scared of zombies or something, I guess. Killing spiders takes all day sometimes. That’s annoying.

Matt's a total liar, there's no map. But if you people try to get me lost on purpose while I’m busy already getting lost? I will figure out where you sleep and I will put all the zombie rats in your bed because that is so not on. I don’t know if rabies survives death and then rising from the dead. Someone should do a study on that or something. It could be a legit problem these days.

And Muppet Yoda! I know you're out there in cyberland somewhere! You totally skipped something epic in your recruitment speech! Like how you totally are a Kitty Superhero and rescue damsels in towers and throw the smack down on bad guys and wtf, yo? This is totally why Yoda got replaced with tech, you know. You keep failing me! This is like vitally important 411 and shit. But I guess I'll let you slide this time because YodaPhone is here to save me from your total disclosure fail. (I just need a Yoda voice ringtone for him)

Comments

[x-meggan.livejournal.com]

Hi, Layla! Welcome to the school. I'm Meggan, and I swear I'll never try to get you lost on purpose.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

But are you likely to get me lost by accident? I should know these things before I go "Hey, that Meggan chick would be cool to hang out with if I could find her." 'Cause next thing you know we're in the middle of the woods ten miles away and do you really think a city kid is going to know what to do when a bear decides we're tasty treats? Nooooo.

[x-meggan.livejournal.com]

Oh, no, I don't think that there would be an accidental case of lost. Not the extreme kind that ends up with you being ten miles from another person.

Ooh, bears. Bears would be bad. You'd have to just lay down and pretend you aren't a tasty treat if you're cornered, and wait for distractions...and then if you're me, grow some fur the same color as theirs and hope they think I'm a bear, too, and wander away.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

Well I figured you'd be there too, also lost. And we would be 10 miles from civilization. But it's good to know you're probably not going to get us lost. You'll go on "probably safe" list.

Can I hide under you while you pretend to be a bear? Because, seriously, the bear might think I'm white chocolate or something. I'm pale. I glow in the dark. I'm like a beacon of "Eat Me!" and that's gotta be really uncomfortable. And sort of awkward. You're there, pretending to be a sleeping bear and I'm screaming while the bear tries out my intestines for an appetizer. It could really damage our burgeoning friendship!

[x-meggan.livejournal.com]

Yes, you could definitely hide beside or under me, I wouldn't want you to get mauled or anything by a surprised bear. It might be hard to stay extra still right then, what with all the bear noises nearby, but I could warn you the moment I sensed that he was getting bored with us, if he was annoyed before. Or sleepy.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

Sleepy bears are good. Can we just slide him some Nyquil or something so he passes out? You never know, he could have an addiction.

[x-meggan.livejournal.com]

That, or warm milk. He would pass right out if he was curious enough to try it, and we could run away.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

Does warm milk actually work? I mean, it probably tastes sort of gross but why would it make you sleepy? Wouldn't the bear just start trying to find an ice cube?

[x-meggan.livejournal.com]

A little? If you can stand it? I remember someone saying it was something to do with tryptophan. I don't know if the bear would tolerate it long enough to make it work. Or if you'd need a gallon of warm milk because of his size.

So he's confused and curious, but not sleepy, and we keep laying there until he stumbles across the Nyquil! And gets into the child proof cap.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

Shouldn't milk have tryptophan or whatever in it when it's cold too? I mean, it's not like the shit inside milk changes just because you heat it up like a puzzle level in a game or something.

Those things are like human proof! But okay, good point. I guess there's always tranquilizer darts but what are the odds of us having those on us when we almost get mauled by a bear? Or, I guess, Nyquil either. Maybe I should start carrying those Nyquil gelcaps around with me. In case of emergencies. Also handy for spiking the drink of someone who may assault you! See? Dual usage!