(no subject)

[x_butterfly]

Okay, so this is like the cyber version of making the new kid stand up in front of class and spill all their deepest, darkest secret, right? How 21st century of you guys. This is a lot nicer than where I usually wind up. ‘Cause, you know, mansion. I don’t think people with houses like this usually go “oh, that weird girl who sometimes brings decomposing things back to life is just what I need. She’d go with my new vase!” (Please tell me no one is going to try to match me to a vase. If they try to make me wear something with flowers or butterflies or paisley I am so out of here.)

Is there like a no pawning the silver rule? It seems like the kinda place that needs one of those.

I'm probably doing this whole Care Bear share time thing all wrong, huh? Right. Let's start over.

Dear Diary,

I'm Layla. I'm from New York (city, not just the state) from a little place Lame People call Midtown West, but anyone who's family has legit been there forever still calls it Hell's Kitchen. Unless they've converted to yuppism (I hear that's like Scientology but less creepy) but then they're pretty much in the Lame People category anyway. So, yeah, I'm blonde. I skate. I only trip over my own feet like three times a day. And I make zombies.

Okay, so it's basically zombie roadkill but apparently people don't dig the Roadkill Day of the Dead like you'd think they would. I mean, I pretty much just sometimes bring shit back to life. It’s not that creepy really. Unless you’re like really scared of zombies or something, I guess. Killing spiders takes all day sometimes. That’s annoying.

Matt's a total liar, there's no map. But if you people try to get me lost on purpose while I’m busy already getting lost? I will figure out where you sleep and I will put all the zombie rats in your bed because that is so not on. I don’t know if rabies survives death and then rising from the dead. Someone should do a study on that or something. It could be a legit problem these days.

And Muppet Yoda! I know you're out there in cyberland somewhere! You totally skipped something epic in your recruitment speech! Like how you totally are a Kitty Superhero and rescue damsels in towers and throw the smack down on bad guys and wtf, yo? This is totally why Yoda got replaced with tech, you know. You keep failing me! This is like vitally important 411 and shit. But I guess I'll let you slide this time because YodaPhone is here to save me from your total disclosure fail. (I just need a Yoda voice ringtone for him)

Comments

[x-skin.livejournal.com]

It works out kind of awesome all round.

No, see, I've got it all worked out. First, if the client can afford to pay for the work I'd be doing for them anyway, I'll totally take their money. Second, if they can't afford to pay, there's Legal Aid work so I get paid just not by them. Third, my future business partner is a man with a plan and a trust fund and also my mentor and current boss runs the most well-funded and generously-paying NGO ever. I'm set.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

So basically you've got two sugar daddies? That's not fair. There's little twink prostitutes trying their hardest to give the blow job of their life so they can get a sugar daddy and here you're monopolizing the market!

[x-skin.livejournal.com]

And I've never even had to sleep with either of them. (Not that I'd mind, you'd understand if you saw them). Really unfair, I know.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

You're totally violating the sugar baby code of conduct here. Don't you know you can't be a sugar baby unless your sugar daddy is getting something from you? Sure, it's usually sex but it doesn't have to be. Read them bedtime stories in their old age, pretend you find their decrepit bodies attractive, give pity handjobs every once in a while. There's going to be a sugar baby revolt against you, just wait. All those angry little tramps and high class skanks and twinks? All coming for you with the fury only people totally broke and giving blow jobs to gross, sad, obese men can have. Just you wait.

[x-skin.livejournal.com]

I'll have to think of a way to make it up to them.

[x-mandelbrot.livejournal.com]

Good luck with that one unless you're giving up your sugar daddies.